Thursday, February 3, 2011
Insight from the In-law
I had a pleasant phone conversation with my mother in law today. I decided to let her in on my little "project" to get her thoughts on it. She has been a stay at home mom/ homemaker for 30 plus years and in my eyes, she is a great example of what a stay at home mom should be. A June Cleaver if you will. Her house is always clean, she always has lunch and dinner ready, doing crafts and projects with the grandkids, etc. I caught her up on the project and we chatted for a bit -she asked how it was going and how I was feeling. I told her what I've been telling you guys about how I'm completely exhausted by the end of the day but the clean house is worth it. And she made the most interesting observation. She said "you know its interesting you say that because thinking back, I think subconciously, for me having a clean house at the end of the day was a way for me to validate myself." Interesting, I had never thought of it that way. But its true. She went on to explain her thinking- Being a full time stay at home mom, its easy to feel looked over. And if nothing else goes right, like if the laundry doesn't get done, or if I the husband doesn't compliment me on the dinner I worked so hard to prepare; I can look around the house and know that I did something of worth today. I made a clean home. A comfortable home for my husband to come home to. A place that he can relax and unwind.
Day 6 and 7
First of all let me say, Erika- thanks for the cookie suggestion. I am working on ideas as I type this. :) And Ashley, thank you so much for the reinforcement. I'm planning on looking up crockpot recipes in the morning (after my chores of course!)
Tuesday was a dreary rainy day and Betsy was bummed about not being able to play outside. So after she finished her homework she asked if she could have her one hour of computer time to play on the computer. I told her that was fine and she jumped up and down and got so excited. Which got me thinking.. Back in the day, June didn't have computers or game systems to battle for her kids attention. They played outside, used their imaginations, played with toys...The world has made it so easy to become disconnected from the people you live with simply by providing distractions. So I've decided that I'm going to limit mindless entertainment to just the evenings, that way during the day they're forced to use their imaginations and be creative in their play. And I think it will open up some time slots for us to find some family activities to partake in. Now its just up to me to find something for us to do!
Wednesday was nicer, no rain but cold and windy. And yes I wore a dress- not just any dress, a sundress! haha! With this dressing up every day I'm starting to run out of cute warm outfits. Pretty soon I'll be donning my formal dresses. Ha! Won't that be a sight! Ward will definitely be suspicious then! He did compliment me on how I looked today so that was a plus! You guys would be proud of me though. In addition to my usual list of chores, I cleaned the uprise on the stairs and cleaned every crevasse of the wooden railing with a q-tip! I actually finished the majority of my cleaning in an hour today! Which got me so excited! Its been a while since I've been able to have some down time in the mornings. Well, actually- its been a week TODAY! Hooray!
So looking back at the overall big picture of the week that I have taken on the persona of June:
I feel like its been a positive change. Ward and the kids seem happier and more relaxed. Not much else has changed though. I have to admit I still need to work on my loudness but I think its much better than it was before. I guess my question that I'm looking to answer is- is this change temporary? Will the kids and Ward become accustomed to the way things are being done now and once they acclimate to the change, will things return to the chaotic nature it was before? As for the relationship between Ward and I, I guess I'm wondering the same thing. Yes, he's noticed my appearance and the cleanliness of the house but will that become something that he expects and takes for granted? But I have to say, as far as our relationship goes, things have been pretty sweet! In the past week I've noticed that he doesn't rush back off to work after lunch (which he used to do). And the past few nights, he's even sat with me a couple of times on the couch (instead of his usual spot - sprawled out on the loveseat). I realize these are little things and probably super corny and cheesy that I get excited about little things like that but hey, its the little things that I live for. :)
Tuesday was a dreary rainy day and Betsy was bummed about not being able to play outside. So after she finished her homework she asked if she could have her one hour of computer time to play on the computer. I told her that was fine and she jumped up and down and got so excited. Which got me thinking.. Back in the day, June didn't have computers or game systems to battle for her kids attention. They played outside, used their imaginations, played with toys...The world has made it so easy to become disconnected from the people you live with simply by providing distractions. So I've decided that I'm going to limit mindless entertainment to just the evenings, that way during the day they're forced to use their imaginations and be creative in their play. And I think it will open up some time slots for us to find some family activities to partake in. Now its just up to me to find something for us to do!
Wednesday was nicer, no rain but cold and windy. And yes I wore a dress- not just any dress, a sundress! haha! With this dressing up every day I'm starting to run out of cute warm outfits. Pretty soon I'll be donning my formal dresses. Ha! Won't that be a sight! Ward will definitely be suspicious then! He did compliment me on how I looked today so that was a plus! You guys would be proud of me though. In addition to my usual list of chores, I cleaned the uprise on the stairs and cleaned every crevasse of the wooden railing with a q-tip! I actually finished the majority of my cleaning in an hour today! Which got me so excited! Its been a while since I've been able to have some down time in the mornings. Well, actually- its been a week TODAY! Hooray!
So looking back at the overall big picture of the week that I have taken on the persona of June:
I feel like its been a positive change. Ward and the kids seem happier and more relaxed. Not much else has changed though. I have to admit I still need to work on my loudness but I think its much better than it was before. I guess my question that I'm looking to answer is- is this change temporary? Will the kids and Ward become accustomed to the way things are being done now and once they acclimate to the change, will things return to the chaotic nature it was before? As for the relationship between Ward and I, I guess I'm wondering the same thing. Yes, he's noticed my appearance and the cleanliness of the house but will that become something that he expects and takes for granted? But I have to say, as far as our relationship goes, things have been pretty sweet! In the past week I've noticed that he doesn't rush back off to work after lunch (which he used to do). And the past few nights, he's even sat with me a couple of times on the couch (instead of his usual spot - sprawled out on the loveseat). I realize these are little things and probably super corny and cheesy that I get excited about little things like that but hey, its the little things that I live for. :)
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Day 3,4 and 5
Hi there! Sorry for being so late in my postings. Its rough trying to do all this and keep up with the posting with out Ward or the kids seeing. It seems the only times I'm able to blog is the early morning hours of 1 or 2 am after Ward and all the kids have gone off to bed. Have I told you that I'm HORRIBLE at keeping secrets from Ward? ABSOLUTELY, COMPLETELY HORRIBLE at it. I can remember only a handful of times when I've been able to successfully keep his presents, surprises, etc. a secret. No worries, I haven't spilled the beans yet. But it was close tonight. I've been lost in my own little world. Deep in thought in trying to figure out what I've learned the past 3 or 4 days since I've been absent from the blogging world. And Ward noticed. He's always been perceptive like that. Luckily I was able to change the subject but honestly, I am struggling here.
So let me catch you up. Things in June land have calmed down a bit. Over the weekend, we had beautiful weather and I gave myself a little break from mopping and bathroom cleaning in lieu of spending time with the Ward and the kids. We went out and ran a local running trail and enjoyed spending time together as a family. Ward and Betsy even took a side trip to the park and walked the nature trail by her school while I finished off a novel. It was beautiful mild weather. And things seem so relaxed in our house lately. It was nice to just be able to take it all in.
Monday was a complete change. I backslid in my housekeeping considerably. It was bill day. A day that I despise and dread every month. I spent the first half of the day paying bills and balancing the books. Then I tried making a new "dish" for Ward for lunch. Haha, "tried" being the key word. I used cresent rolls and laid them with the flat ends touching and the points facing outward and then I filled the middle with ham and shredded cheese and folded the points in to make a pie of sorts. Then I baked it. I was so excited for him to eat it when he got home for lunch because it just looked so pretty. Perfect golden crust and you could see the melty cheese.. YUM. Then he cut into it- and what do you know?... UNCOOKED DOUGH in the middle! I think I turned three shades of red. I was embarrassed, flustered and mad at myself. I scolded myself silently "Bad June! Bad!" Ward was a good sport about it though and dug though and ate the edible parts. Bless that man. The poor thing was reliving our first year of marriage all over again. Enduring unedible food with a smile. Then Bailey, Belle and I ran errands before we picked up Betsy from school. After we got everyone home, I realized I had forgotten to eat lunch; so I grabbed bits and pieces of food as I cleaned and started to prep dinner. Big mistake! I got sick and spent the rest of the night in bed.
So what did I take away from these 3 days?
- DO NOT eat undercooked dough.. Even if you think it "mostly cooked"
- Weekends are for relaxing. No bathroom scrubbing or kitchen mopping for me! :)
- Cleaning the house is easier and less time consuming now. I won't lie, the novelty has worn off and its no longer "fun" but I do think the calmness it brings to the house is definitely worth the effort.
- Ward still notices the vacuum lines! :)
- I seem to be consumed with June. Constantly thinking, what would June do? Does she shave her legs every day?- You bet your apples she does! Does she bite her nails?- Goodness no! (That's one that I've been struggling with since grade school) Its kind of been a fun thing for me. Kind of a self improvement/ experiment all rolled into one.
And now that the novelty has sort of tapered off, I'm looking for suggestions. What are some things that you think June would do? Or what are some things that you would like for me to do in my little experiment? Come on! Get your thinking caps on and let me know!
So let me catch you up. Things in June land have calmed down a bit. Over the weekend, we had beautiful weather and I gave myself a little break from mopping and bathroom cleaning in lieu of spending time with the Ward and the kids. We went out and ran a local running trail and enjoyed spending time together as a family. Ward and Betsy even took a side trip to the park and walked the nature trail by her school while I finished off a novel. It was beautiful mild weather. And things seem so relaxed in our house lately. It was nice to just be able to take it all in.
Monday was a complete change. I backslid in my housekeeping considerably. It was bill day. A day that I despise and dread every month. I spent the first half of the day paying bills and balancing the books. Then I tried making a new "dish" for Ward for lunch. Haha, "tried" being the key word. I used cresent rolls and laid them with the flat ends touching and the points facing outward and then I filled the middle with ham and shredded cheese and folded the points in to make a pie of sorts. Then I baked it. I was so excited for him to eat it when he got home for lunch because it just looked so pretty. Perfect golden crust and you could see the melty cheese.. YUM. Then he cut into it- and what do you know?... UNCOOKED DOUGH in the middle! I think I turned three shades of red. I was embarrassed, flustered and mad at myself. I scolded myself silently "Bad June! Bad!" Ward was a good sport about it though and dug though and ate the edible parts. Bless that man. The poor thing was reliving our first year of marriage all over again. Enduring unedible food with a smile. Then Bailey, Belle and I ran errands before we picked up Betsy from school. After we got everyone home, I realized I had forgotten to eat lunch; so I grabbed bits and pieces of food as I cleaned and started to prep dinner. Big mistake! I got sick and spent the rest of the night in bed.
So what did I take away from these 3 days?
- DO NOT eat undercooked dough.. Even if you think it "mostly cooked"
- Weekends are for relaxing. No bathroom scrubbing or kitchen mopping for me! :)
- Cleaning the house is easier and less time consuming now. I won't lie, the novelty has worn off and its no longer "fun" but I do think the calmness it brings to the house is definitely worth the effort.
- Ward still notices the vacuum lines! :)
- I seem to be consumed with June. Constantly thinking, what would June do? Does she shave her legs every day?- You bet your apples she does! Does she bite her nails?- Goodness no! (That's one that I've been struggling with since grade school) Its kind of been a fun thing for me. Kind of a self improvement/ experiment all rolled into one.
And now that the novelty has sort of tapered off, I'm looking for suggestions. What are some things that you think June would do? Or what are some things that you would like for me to do in my little experiment? Come on! Get your thinking caps on and let me know!
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Day 2 - Mom talk
So lets see, quick recap of the day, got dressed, vacuumed, swept, mopped all the floors, scrubbed cabinets and toilets, cleaned off the dressers and nightstands, 2 loads of laundry, grocery store trip, cooked a pot of soup for lunch, and did a stir fry for dinner. But you dont want to hear about the boring stuff so lets move on.
Lets talk about moms shall we? They're where we get our first notions of what a wife and mother are supposed to be. What to do, What not to do, How to act, react and behave... In looking at my mom and his mother and the character of June Cleaver, I noticed a couple common factors. Subservience. Serving and Keeping the husband happy. Primary caretaker and disciplinarian of the children. But each person has their own style and ways of showing this. So I decided that for the day I was going to be the "Yes, Dear" "whatever you say dear" type wife. I was going to give him 100% of my attention when the children are down or when we had time alone. So today, while I was cooking dinner, he sat in the kitchen with his laptop and did some work. I saw that I had a text from my friend which said to call her when I got a chance for a funny story. So of course, I was dying to hear the story and asked Ward if he would mind if I gave her a call back. He stopped typing and looked up at me with a puzzled look on his face and said "no. Why would you even ask that? You sound like mom - asking for permission like that. You don't need my permission. Call her back!" Now before I go any further, let me say that I am blessed with the most wonderful in laws. My mother in law is a sweet, godly woman and I love her to death but we've noticed that she tends to check with him for practically everything she does- even though he doesn't care and always says "yeah sure- go for it!" So it made me think, where did that behavior come from? Is that something that she learned from her mother? Or maybe that's her way of serving her husband. In any case, that's not what Ward expects from me. So here's what I took away from that little convo: LADIES: If men wanted a woman like their mother they wouldn't have married you. Yes, there are qualities that men may admire in their mothers and if it is feasible, you should try to incorporate it somehow. But he married you, for you so be yourself! But be flexible enough to be willing to improve upon yourself. It will keep things interesting. As for me, I am an opinionated, outspoken person, I say whats on my mind most of the time and I've stuck my foot in my mouth on several occasions but that's me and I won't be completely changing that. Its part of the reason he loves me. The "yes, dear" attitude is out the window but I will however try to find other ways to serve him. Something as simple as plating his food first or bringing him his drink at night. I remember my mom once told be back in her home country, when food was scarce it was customary for the man to be plated and fed first. The children were the second to be plated and fed and what was left was for the mother. The man worked the hardest and brought in the money for food, clothing and shelter so it was important to keep him healthy. And while I admit its a dated view of things, I think its a nice way to show respect.
Moving on in the motherhood category is being a better mom. I'm in a new period of my parenting life. My "baby" is no longer a baby. She is in second grade and her personality is growing by leaps and bounds. Betsy is 7 but acts so much older and she's always been mature for her age so I guess she's more like 7 going on 12. I feel like a fish out of water. I realize this is a critical time in her life where she's trying to develop her personality but she is driving me up the wall! That combined with the recent addition of her two baby sisters, it makes me very sad to admit that we've drifted apart. So, one of my goals for this project was to improve upon was my relationship with Betsy. In the past I have tried to make it a point to make Betsy as independent as possible. I can't stand hearing of these kids going off to college who have no idea how to boil an egg or do their own laundry so I've always encouraged her to do things on her own. She is amazingly smart and sometimes its hard for me to remember that she's JUST 7. So as I'm picking up all the rooms in the house I decide that from this point forward I'm going to clean her room and make her bed (Pre JC Project, the rule of the house was that each person is responsible for their own room and the making of their bed- which she had been in too much of a rush to do this morning). So here's my thinking on this, if I pick up this additional task, it will free up some of her time, stress (if she has any), and maybe we can use that time to spend together. So, here I am all excited when we get home from school and I don't think she even noticed. She dropped off her stuff and ran off to play with the neighbor. Ha! oh well. So much for that- we're still a work in progress. Maybe I'll plan an activity for us to do later.
What did I take away from the day?
1) I'm exhausted.
2) I'm going to need more gloves and a pair of knee pads if i'm going to clean like this everyday
3) When cleaning in a black dress Wear an apron! I splashed water all over myself doing dishes and then I got cleaner on it when I was mopping. Boo Hiss!
4) My husband is incredibly attentive. He noticed that I dusted his nightstand and cleaned off the dresser! Of course, it'd be hard to not notice the dresser. You couldn't see the top of it before. :)
5) I know I joke but in all seriousness, Ward and all the girls seem more calm and at ease tonight.. Betsy and I even cuddled on the couch for part of a movie! :) Not sure if its the clean house or if its just Friday and everyone is just ready to chill out and relax. But the mood seems different. It'll be interesting to see if this continues.
Lets talk about moms shall we? They're where we get our first notions of what a wife and mother are supposed to be. What to do, What not to do, How to act, react and behave... In looking at my mom and his mother and the character of June Cleaver, I noticed a couple common factors. Subservience. Serving and Keeping the husband happy. Primary caretaker and disciplinarian of the children. But each person has their own style and ways of showing this. So I decided that for the day I was going to be the "Yes, Dear" "whatever you say dear" type wife. I was going to give him 100% of my attention when the children are down or when we had time alone. So today, while I was cooking dinner, he sat in the kitchen with his laptop and did some work. I saw that I had a text from my friend which said to call her when I got a chance for a funny story. So of course, I was dying to hear the story and asked Ward if he would mind if I gave her a call back. He stopped typing and looked up at me with a puzzled look on his face and said "no. Why would you even ask that? You sound like mom - asking for permission like that. You don't need my permission. Call her back!" Now before I go any further, let me say that I am blessed with the most wonderful in laws. My mother in law is a sweet, godly woman and I love her to death but we've noticed that she tends to check with him for practically everything she does- even though he doesn't care and always says "yeah sure- go for it!" So it made me think, where did that behavior come from? Is that something that she learned from her mother? Or maybe that's her way of serving her husband. In any case, that's not what Ward expects from me. So here's what I took away from that little convo: LADIES: If men wanted a woman like their mother they wouldn't have married you. Yes, there are qualities that men may admire in their mothers and if it is feasible, you should try to incorporate it somehow. But he married you, for you so be yourself! But be flexible enough to be willing to improve upon yourself. It will keep things interesting. As for me, I am an opinionated, outspoken person, I say whats on my mind most of the time and I've stuck my foot in my mouth on several occasions but that's me and I won't be completely changing that. Its part of the reason he loves me. The "yes, dear" attitude is out the window but I will however try to find other ways to serve him. Something as simple as plating his food first or bringing him his drink at night. I remember my mom once told be back in her home country, when food was scarce it was customary for the man to be plated and fed first. The children were the second to be plated and fed and what was left was for the mother. The man worked the hardest and brought in the money for food, clothing and shelter so it was important to keep him healthy. And while I admit its a dated view of things, I think its a nice way to show respect.
Moving on in the motherhood category is being a better mom. I'm in a new period of my parenting life. My "baby" is no longer a baby. She is in second grade and her personality is growing by leaps and bounds. Betsy is 7 but acts so much older and she's always been mature for her age so I guess she's more like 7 going on 12. I feel like a fish out of water. I realize this is a critical time in her life where she's trying to develop her personality but she is driving me up the wall! That combined with the recent addition of her two baby sisters, it makes me very sad to admit that we've drifted apart. So, one of my goals for this project was to improve upon was my relationship with Betsy. In the past I have tried to make it a point to make Betsy as independent as possible. I can't stand hearing of these kids going off to college who have no idea how to boil an egg or do their own laundry so I've always encouraged her to do things on her own. She is amazingly smart and sometimes its hard for me to remember that she's JUST 7. So as I'm picking up all the rooms in the house I decide that from this point forward I'm going to clean her room and make her bed (Pre JC Project, the rule of the house was that each person is responsible for their own room and the making of their bed- which she had been in too much of a rush to do this morning). So here's my thinking on this, if I pick up this additional task, it will free up some of her time, stress (if she has any), and maybe we can use that time to spend together. So, here I am all excited when we get home from school and I don't think she even noticed. She dropped off her stuff and ran off to play with the neighbor. Ha! oh well. So much for that- we're still a work in progress. Maybe I'll plan an activity for us to do later.
What did I take away from the day?
1) I'm exhausted.
2) I'm going to need more gloves and a pair of knee pads if i'm going to clean like this everyday
3) When cleaning in a black dress Wear an apron! I splashed water all over myself doing dishes and then I got cleaner on it when I was mopping. Boo Hiss!
4) My husband is incredibly attentive. He noticed that I dusted his nightstand and cleaned off the dresser! Of course, it'd be hard to not notice the dresser. You couldn't see the top of it before. :)
5) I know I joke but in all seriousness, Ward and all the girls seem more calm and at ease tonight.. Betsy and I even cuddled on the couch for part of a movie! :) Not sure if its the clean house or if its just Friday and everyone is just ready to chill out and relax. But the mood seems different. It'll be interesting to see if this continues.
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