I did it! I made it through my 30 days as June. So I did what any proper lady would do to celebrate. I got up, got dressed in a beautiful A line dress, did my hair and makeup and walked down stairs to fix a hot breakfast. Bacon- crispy for Ward, soft for Betsy. Eggs- scrambled for Betsy, fried for Ward and then buttered toast served with a glass of sunshine. Can you picture it? Its a beautiful sight isnt it? Too bad it didn't happen. Well, not all of it anyway. I did get up and make breakfast as described but my hair closely resembled a bird's nest and I was still in my favorite pajama shirtdress. So I guess I haven't turned into June after all.
My goal back when I started this little project was to find out if traditional roles made families happier. What did men want from their wives? Is it still true today?
So what do men want from their wives? I believe that most men do want a woman who will keep the house tidy and look nice when they come home and greet them with a smile and a kiss. Because lets face it ladies.. Who wouldn't?! If you were to come home from a long mentally exhausting day at work wouldn't you love to be greeted at the door by a handsome man, house cleaned, and dinner on the stove? I know I would! And while I realize that this seems like it may be a male chauvinistic view of what home life should be there's some concrete references to back it up. Don't believe me? Its in the Bible! It says it is the woman's job to make the house into a home. I'm sure you're thinking, "Well, June- Not all of us can be stay at home moms". Trust me, I remember how hectic things were when I worked and only had 2 kids. But if you want to try to make it work, you can. Pick up things as you go (you'll be amazed at how little you'll actually have to clean if you do a little bit here and there.) Need a nice sit down meal but low on energy? Get take out from one of your favorite restaurants and plate it up on your dishes for a home cooked feel. I'm all for shortcuts as long as the same end result is achieved. :)
The quiet, submissive personality, well we know that's just not me. But that's not to say that I'm not quiet and submissive to Ward. I listen to him ( its actually one of the highlights of my day) when he tells me about his day at work or some idea or project he wants to attempt. And the submission, well I think that's just a really outdated word for supporting and respecting him. Both of which I try to show to him each and every day. Although it might be funny to get his reaction if I suddenly dropped to my knees and bowed down to him. Ha! Nah, we wouldn't want him getting a big head. ;)
As for the getting dressed up. I have to admit my mom was actually right on that one as well. Yes, my days were much more comfortable when I could wear my pajamas all day with no makeup and my hair in a ponytail. But I feel like the dressing up became more for me than for Ward. When I get dressed in the morning, I feel more motivated to get things done, I feel more confident, and then there's the extra bonus when Ward compliments me on how I look. :) I think especially when women become mothers, that "mother instinct" takes over and we sometimes forget that we need to do things not just for others but for ourselves. Its so easy for me to get wrapped up in what needs to be done for the kids, the house, Ward, etc. that sometimes I forget that I'm a woman first before I'm a mom. (does that make sense?) So take the time to get dolled up and flirt with your husband!
And Yes, the long list of chores was a total pain to do on a daily basis while juggling two babies, a 7 year old and a black lab who sheds like a husky in Florida. But I do believe it made a difference- a relaxing effect if you will. Don't get me wrong, it didn't turn our house into the quiet, soft nature sounds, candle light spa type of relaxing (remember, we do have 3 kids) but for Ward and I, being able to sit down at the end of a long day in a clean house erases some of the tensions for us and I believe the children are able to sense that we're calmer and more relaxed, so they become calmer in turn. So is it worth it to keep up? Absolutely. Just probably not in the extent that I was doing it. And I wouldn't dare deprive Ward of his vaccuum lines at the end of a long hard day at the office. :)
So that's it, that's my quick take on how the 30 days have gone. And in my case, our home is happier overall for all the changes that have been made.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Monday, February 28, 2011
Commercial Break
Do you ever think about those couples who have been married forever, kids are grown and off to college or whatever and they look at their spouse and say "we have nothing in common.. who are you?" Well that is one of my worst fears.
I think Ward and I have a pretty great marriage. Don't get me wrong, we're far from perfect, we make mistakes and we've had our share of ups and downs... But what we've learned in our years of marriage is the importance of making our relationship as a couple a priority. Sometimes we unconsciously let our relationships take the backseat when life gets busy. And its easy to justify it by thinking, well- I've got a lot of other stuff going on and our relationship is good so I'll just set it in the backseat for now and I'll go back and focus on it when things aren't so busy. But here's the thing- life is always going to be busy and its up to you and your significant other to make it a priority. If you don't, you are putting your relationship at risk. "You don't FIND a great marriage, YOU BUILD ONE!" But you never see that stuff on tv. I guess the real work happens on the commercial break. So this weekend, Ward and I took a commercial break and went to a marriage conference at our church.
The conference was entitled IGNITE! and this was our second year to attend. Last year our marriage was a little strained. We had just had our second daughter and were already pregnant with another. Ward and I were in our own little worlds- he focused heavily on work and I being pregnant, hormonal and working focused on everything else. (And if you've been pregnant or married to a pregnant woman, you know what I mean.) Anyhow, we drifted apart. We were happy with our family life, we still loved eachother and wanted to be with eachother, we didn't argue or fight but there began to be an unspoken disconnect between us. So we decided to sign up for the conference just to see what it was all about. Let me tell you, BEST decision ever! Not only did Ward and I have fun at the conference, but it really did help us understand eachother better and make us closer as a couple. I am proud to say that we've stayed connected throughout the year and couldn't wait for the conference to come around again this year. Its like adding a little jolt of energy to our marriage :)
So you may be wondering "What do you learn at these conference things?" Well, lots actually, the speakers our church brings in are some of the top speakers in the country about relationships and marriage. And they are wonderful at giving you insight about the opposite sex; what makes them tick; how they think; why they do what they do, and what you as a partner need to do to support them. And while it was a marriage conference- most of the things I learned didn't just apply to marriages but relationships in general. My relationships with my friends, my children, people in general. I learned so much that I'm not going to even attempt to tell you all about it in this one post. Instead, I'm going to do several posts on it as I make "adjustments" in my life and put into practice some of the things I learned.
I think Ward and I have a pretty great marriage. Don't get me wrong, we're far from perfect, we make mistakes and we've had our share of ups and downs... But what we've learned in our years of marriage is the importance of making our relationship as a couple a priority. Sometimes we unconsciously let our relationships take the backseat when life gets busy. And its easy to justify it by thinking, well- I've got a lot of other stuff going on and our relationship is good so I'll just set it in the backseat for now and I'll go back and focus on it when things aren't so busy. But here's the thing- life is always going to be busy and its up to you and your significant other to make it a priority. If you don't, you are putting your relationship at risk. "You don't FIND a great marriage, YOU BUILD ONE!" But you never see that stuff on tv. I guess the real work happens on the commercial break. So this weekend, Ward and I took a commercial break and went to a marriage conference at our church.
The conference was entitled IGNITE! and this was our second year to attend. Last year our marriage was a little strained. We had just had our second daughter and were already pregnant with another. Ward and I were in our own little worlds- he focused heavily on work and I being pregnant, hormonal and working focused on everything else. (And if you've been pregnant or married to a pregnant woman, you know what I mean.) Anyhow, we drifted apart. We were happy with our family life, we still loved eachother and wanted to be with eachother, we didn't argue or fight but there began to be an unspoken disconnect between us. So we decided to sign up for the conference just to see what it was all about. Let me tell you, BEST decision ever! Not only did Ward and I have fun at the conference, but it really did help us understand eachother better and make us closer as a couple. I am proud to say that we've stayed connected throughout the year and couldn't wait for the conference to come around again this year. Its like adding a little jolt of energy to our marriage :)
So you may be wondering "What do you learn at these conference things?" Well, lots actually, the speakers our church brings in are some of the top speakers in the country about relationships and marriage. And they are wonderful at giving you insight about the opposite sex; what makes them tick; how they think; why they do what they do, and what you as a partner need to do to support them. And while it was a marriage conference- most of the things I learned didn't just apply to marriages but relationships in general. My relationships with my friends, my children, people in general. I learned so much that I'm not going to even attempt to tell you all about it in this one post. Instead, I'm going to do several posts on it as I make "adjustments" in my life and put into practice some of the things I learned.
Here's my favorite quote from this weekend.
"Marriage is two people growing up together. If the two of you are just alike...
One of you is NOT NEEDED."
(by the way, this guy is HILARIOUS)
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
knock, knock...
Yoohooo! Are you still there? I know its been a while since I've last blogged. But I'm HERE! I'm sorry for being absent but the late nights were getting to me, that and the babies have decided to shift their nap schedules somewhere to the neighborhood of being nonexistent. Life has been busy to say the least.
So, lets catch up. Shall we? ... February has been a busy month. Things around the house have been quiet. Not literally, because Bailey and Belle have discovered a new game called "squeal as loud as you can". But chore wise, things are getting done and I've kept up my chores on a daily basis (with a little slack on the weekends). So, not much to report there.
On the family front I have a new angle I want to attack: I'm calling it Operation Togetherness. To me
"togetherness" is not just about being physically present but it involves interacting, talking, laughing, yelling, crying. Its the bonding that we as people need in our lives. So how does this translate to me and my family? Life is faster paced than it used to be (ie. back in June's time). There are more demands on our time and most of us are already spread thin that when it comes to family life, sometimes we put it on cruise control and just hang out in the backseat. At least, that's how it is to me sometimes. And I think we can all relate. My days are consumed by my chores and baby duties, Ward works, Betsy has school and afterschool activities and it seems the only times we spend time together are at the dinner table or in the playroom watching tv. It seems that there is always a distraction of some sort. So my mission is to try to find ways to create more togetherness in our family. What can I do to foster "togetherness"? Hmm, family game night anyone? ;) We shall see!
OK. well that's that. I'll blog again in a day or so! See you then!
So, lets catch up. Shall we? ... February has been a busy month. Things around the house have been quiet. Not literally, because Bailey and Belle have discovered a new game called "squeal as loud as you can". But chore wise, things are getting done and I've kept up my chores on a daily basis (with a little slack on the weekends). So, not much to report there.
On the family front I have a new angle I want to attack: I'm calling it Operation Togetherness. To me
"togetherness" is not just about being physically present but it involves interacting, talking, laughing, yelling, crying. Its the bonding that we as people need in our lives. So how does this translate to me and my family? Life is faster paced than it used to be (ie. back in June's time). There are more demands on our time and most of us are already spread thin that when it comes to family life, sometimes we put it on cruise control and just hang out in the backseat. At least, that's how it is to me sometimes. And I think we can all relate. My days are consumed by my chores and baby duties, Ward works, Betsy has school and afterschool activities and it seems the only times we spend time together are at the dinner table or in the playroom watching tv. It seems that there is always a distraction of some sort. So my mission is to try to find ways to create more togetherness in our family. What can I do to foster "togetherness"? Hmm, family game night anyone? ;) We shall see!
OK. well that's that. I'll blog again in a day or so! See you then!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Insight from the In-law
I had a pleasant phone conversation with my mother in law today. I decided to let her in on my little "project" to get her thoughts on it. She has been a stay at home mom/ homemaker for 30 plus years and in my eyes, she is a great example of what a stay at home mom should be. A June Cleaver if you will. Her house is always clean, she always has lunch and dinner ready, doing crafts and projects with the grandkids, etc. I caught her up on the project and we chatted for a bit -she asked how it was going and how I was feeling. I told her what I've been telling you guys about how I'm completely exhausted by the end of the day but the clean house is worth it. And she made the most interesting observation. She said "you know its interesting you say that because thinking back, I think subconciously, for me having a clean house at the end of the day was a way for me to validate myself." Interesting, I had never thought of it that way. But its true. She went on to explain her thinking- Being a full time stay at home mom, its easy to feel looked over. And if nothing else goes right, like if the laundry doesn't get done, or if I the husband doesn't compliment me on the dinner I worked so hard to prepare; I can look around the house and know that I did something of worth today. I made a clean home. A comfortable home for my husband to come home to. A place that he can relax and unwind.
Day 6 and 7
First of all let me say, Erika- thanks for the cookie suggestion. I am working on ideas as I type this. :) And Ashley, thank you so much for the reinforcement. I'm planning on looking up crockpot recipes in the morning (after my chores of course!)
Tuesday was a dreary rainy day and Betsy was bummed about not being able to play outside. So after she finished her homework she asked if she could have her one hour of computer time to play on the computer. I told her that was fine and she jumped up and down and got so excited. Which got me thinking.. Back in the day, June didn't have computers or game systems to battle for her kids attention. They played outside, used their imaginations, played with toys...The world has made it so easy to become disconnected from the people you live with simply by providing distractions. So I've decided that I'm going to limit mindless entertainment to just the evenings, that way during the day they're forced to use their imaginations and be creative in their play. And I think it will open up some time slots for us to find some family activities to partake in. Now its just up to me to find something for us to do!
Wednesday was nicer, no rain but cold and windy. And yes I wore a dress- not just any dress, a sundress! haha! With this dressing up every day I'm starting to run out of cute warm outfits. Pretty soon I'll be donning my formal dresses. Ha! Won't that be a sight! Ward will definitely be suspicious then! He did compliment me on how I looked today so that was a plus! You guys would be proud of me though. In addition to my usual list of chores, I cleaned the uprise on the stairs and cleaned every crevasse of the wooden railing with a q-tip! I actually finished the majority of my cleaning in an hour today! Which got me so excited! Its been a while since I've been able to have some down time in the mornings. Well, actually- its been a week TODAY! Hooray!
So looking back at the overall big picture of the week that I have taken on the persona of June:
I feel like its been a positive change. Ward and the kids seem happier and more relaxed. Not much else has changed though. I have to admit I still need to work on my loudness but I think its much better than it was before. I guess my question that I'm looking to answer is- is this change temporary? Will the kids and Ward become accustomed to the way things are being done now and once they acclimate to the change, will things return to the chaotic nature it was before? As for the relationship between Ward and I, I guess I'm wondering the same thing. Yes, he's noticed my appearance and the cleanliness of the house but will that become something that he expects and takes for granted? But I have to say, as far as our relationship goes, things have been pretty sweet! In the past week I've noticed that he doesn't rush back off to work after lunch (which he used to do). And the past few nights, he's even sat with me a couple of times on the couch (instead of his usual spot - sprawled out on the loveseat). I realize these are little things and probably super corny and cheesy that I get excited about little things like that but hey, its the little things that I live for. :)
Tuesday was a dreary rainy day and Betsy was bummed about not being able to play outside. So after she finished her homework she asked if she could have her one hour of computer time to play on the computer. I told her that was fine and she jumped up and down and got so excited. Which got me thinking.. Back in the day, June didn't have computers or game systems to battle for her kids attention. They played outside, used their imaginations, played with toys...The world has made it so easy to become disconnected from the people you live with simply by providing distractions. So I've decided that I'm going to limit mindless entertainment to just the evenings, that way during the day they're forced to use their imaginations and be creative in their play. And I think it will open up some time slots for us to find some family activities to partake in. Now its just up to me to find something for us to do!
Wednesday was nicer, no rain but cold and windy. And yes I wore a dress- not just any dress, a sundress! haha! With this dressing up every day I'm starting to run out of cute warm outfits. Pretty soon I'll be donning my formal dresses. Ha! Won't that be a sight! Ward will definitely be suspicious then! He did compliment me on how I looked today so that was a plus! You guys would be proud of me though. In addition to my usual list of chores, I cleaned the uprise on the stairs and cleaned every crevasse of the wooden railing with a q-tip! I actually finished the majority of my cleaning in an hour today! Which got me so excited! Its been a while since I've been able to have some down time in the mornings. Well, actually- its been a week TODAY! Hooray!
So looking back at the overall big picture of the week that I have taken on the persona of June:
I feel like its been a positive change. Ward and the kids seem happier and more relaxed. Not much else has changed though. I have to admit I still need to work on my loudness but I think its much better than it was before. I guess my question that I'm looking to answer is- is this change temporary? Will the kids and Ward become accustomed to the way things are being done now and once they acclimate to the change, will things return to the chaotic nature it was before? As for the relationship between Ward and I, I guess I'm wondering the same thing. Yes, he's noticed my appearance and the cleanliness of the house but will that become something that he expects and takes for granted? But I have to say, as far as our relationship goes, things have been pretty sweet! In the past week I've noticed that he doesn't rush back off to work after lunch (which he used to do). And the past few nights, he's even sat with me a couple of times on the couch (instead of his usual spot - sprawled out on the loveseat). I realize these are little things and probably super corny and cheesy that I get excited about little things like that but hey, its the little things that I live for. :)
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Day 3,4 and 5
Hi there! Sorry for being so late in my postings. Its rough trying to do all this and keep up with the posting with out Ward or the kids seeing. It seems the only times I'm able to blog is the early morning hours of 1 or 2 am after Ward and all the kids have gone off to bed. Have I told you that I'm HORRIBLE at keeping secrets from Ward? ABSOLUTELY, COMPLETELY HORRIBLE at it. I can remember only a handful of times when I've been able to successfully keep his presents, surprises, etc. a secret. No worries, I haven't spilled the beans yet. But it was close tonight. I've been lost in my own little world. Deep in thought in trying to figure out what I've learned the past 3 or 4 days since I've been absent from the blogging world. And Ward noticed. He's always been perceptive like that. Luckily I was able to change the subject but honestly, I am struggling here.
So let me catch you up. Things in June land have calmed down a bit. Over the weekend, we had beautiful weather and I gave myself a little break from mopping and bathroom cleaning in lieu of spending time with the Ward and the kids. We went out and ran a local running trail and enjoyed spending time together as a family. Ward and Betsy even took a side trip to the park and walked the nature trail by her school while I finished off a novel. It was beautiful mild weather. And things seem so relaxed in our house lately. It was nice to just be able to take it all in.
Monday was a complete change. I backslid in my housekeeping considerably. It was bill day. A day that I despise and dread every month. I spent the first half of the day paying bills and balancing the books. Then I tried making a new "dish" for Ward for lunch. Haha, "tried" being the key word. I used cresent rolls and laid them with the flat ends touching and the points facing outward and then I filled the middle with ham and shredded cheese and folded the points in to make a pie of sorts. Then I baked it. I was so excited for him to eat it when he got home for lunch because it just looked so pretty. Perfect golden crust and you could see the melty cheese.. YUM. Then he cut into it- and what do you know?... UNCOOKED DOUGH in the middle! I think I turned three shades of red. I was embarrassed, flustered and mad at myself. I scolded myself silently "Bad June! Bad!" Ward was a good sport about it though and dug though and ate the edible parts. Bless that man. The poor thing was reliving our first year of marriage all over again. Enduring unedible food with a smile. Then Bailey, Belle and I ran errands before we picked up Betsy from school. After we got everyone home, I realized I had forgotten to eat lunch; so I grabbed bits and pieces of food as I cleaned and started to prep dinner. Big mistake! I got sick and spent the rest of the night in bed.
So what did I take away from these 3 days?
- DO NOT eat undercooked dough.. Even if you think it "mostly cooked"
- Weekends are for relaxing. No bathroom scrubbing or kitchen mopping for me! :)
- Cleaning the house is easier and less time consuming now. I won't lie, the novelty has worn off and its no longer "fun" but I do think the calmness it brings to the house is definitely worth the effort.
- Ward still notices the vacuum lines! :)
- I seem to be consumed with June. Constantly thinking, what would June do? Does she shave her legs every day?- You bet your apples she does! Does she bite her nails?- Goodness no! (That's one that I've been struggling with since grade school) Its kind of been a fun thing for me. Kind of a self improvement/ experiment all rolled into one.
And now that the novelty has sort of tapered off, I'm looking for suggestions. What are some things that you think June would do? Or what are some things that you would like for me to do in my little experiment? Come on! Get your thinking caps on and let me know!
So let me catch you up. Things in June land have calmed down a bit. Over the weekend, we had beautiful weather and I gave myself a little break from mopping and bathroom cleaning in lieu of spending time with the Ward and the kids. We went out and ran a local running trail and enjoyed spending time together as a family. Ward and Betsy even took a side trip to the park and walked the nature trail by her school while I finished off a novel. It was beautiful mild weather. And things seem so relaxed in our house lately. It was nice to just be able to take it all in.
Monday was a complete change. I backslid in my housekeeping considerably. It was bill day. A day that I despise and dread every month. I spent the first half of the day paying bills and balancing the books. Then I tried making a new "dish" for Ward for lunch. Haha, "tried" being the key word. I used cresent rolls and laid them with the flat ends touching and the points facing outward and then I filled the middle with ham and shredded cheese and folded the points in to make a pie of sorts. Then I baked it. I was so excited for him to eat it when he got home for lunch because it just looked so pretty. Perfect golden crust and you could see the melty cheese.. YUM. Then he cut into it- and what do you know?... UNCOOKED DOUGH in the middle! I think I turned three shades of red. I was embarrassed, flustered and mad at myself. I scolded myself silently "Bad June! Bad!" Ward was a good sport about it though and dug though and ate the edible parts. Bless that man. The poor thing was reliving our first year of marriage all over again. Enduring unedible food with a smile. Then Bailey, Belle and I ran errands before we picked up Betsy from school. After we got everyone home, I realized I had forgotten to eat lunch; so I grabbed bits and pieces of food as I cleaned and started to prep dinner. Big mistake! I got sick and spent the rest of the night in bed.
So what did I take away from these 3 days?
- DO NOT eat undercooked dough.. Even if you think it "mostly cooked"
- Weekends are for relaxing. No bathroom scrubbing or kitchen mopping for me! :)
- Cleaning the house is easier and less time consuming now. I won't lie, the novelty has worn off and its no longer "fun" but I do think the calmness it brings to the house is definitely worth the effort.
- Ward still notices the vacuum lines! :)
- I seem to be consumed with June. Constantly thinking, what would June do? Does she shave her legs every day?- You bet your apples she does! Does she bite her nails?- Goodness no! (That's one that I've been struggling with since grade school) Its kind of been a fun thing for me. Kind of a self improvement/ experiment all rolled into one.
And now that the novelty has sort of tapered off, I'm looking for suggestions. What are some things that you think June would do? Or what are some things that you would like for me to do in my little experiment? Come on! Get your thinking caps on and let me know!
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Day 2 - Mom talk
So lets see, quick recap of the day, got dressed, vacuumed, swept, mopped all the floors, scrubbed cabinets and toilets, cleaned off the dressers and nightstands, 2 loads of laundry, grocery store trip, cooked a pot of soup for lunch, and did a stir fry for dinner. But you dont want to hear about the boring stuff so lets move on.
Lets talk about moms shall we? They're where we get our first notions of what a wife and mother are supposed to be. What to do, What not to do, How to act, react and behave... In looking at my mom and his mother and the character of June Cleaver, I noticed a couple common factors. Subservience. Serving and Keeping the husband happy. Primary caretaker and disciplinarian of the children. But each person has their own style and ways of showing this. So I decided that for the day I was going to be the "Yes, Dear" "whatever you say dear" type wife. I was going to give him 100% of my attention when the children are down or when we had time alone. So today, while I was cooking dinner, he sat in the kitchen with his laptop and did some work. I saw that I had a text from my friend which said to call her when I got a chance for a funny story. So of course, I was dying to hear the story and asked Ward if he would mind if I gave her a call back. He stopped typing and looked up at me with a puzzled look on his face and said "no. Why would you even ask that? You sound like mom - asking for permission like that. You don't need my permission. Call her back!" Now before I go any further, let me say that I am blessed with the most wonderful in laws. My mother in law is a sweet, godly woman and I love her to death but we've noticed that she tends to check with him for practically everything she does- even though he doesn't care and always says "yeah sure- go for it!" So it made me think, where did that behavior come from? Is that something that she learned from her mother? Or maybe that's her way of serving her husband. In any case, that's not what Ward expects from me. So here's what I took away from that little convo: LADIES: If men wanted a woman like their mother they wouldn't have married you. Yes, there are qualities that men may admire in their mothers and if it is feasible, you should try to incorporate it somehow. But he married you, for you so be yourself! But be flexible enough to be willing to improve upon yourself. It will keep things interesting. As for me, I am an opinionated, outspoken person, I say whats on my mind most of the time and I've stuck my foot in my mouth on several occasions but that's me and I won't be completely changing that. Its part of the reason he loves me. The "yes, dear" attitude is out the window but I will however try to find other ways to serve him. Something as simple as plating his food first or bringing him his drink at night. I remember my mom once told be back in her home country, when food was scarce it was customary for the man to be plated and fed first. The children were the second to be plated and fed and what was left was for the mother. The man worked the hardest and brought in the money for food, clothing and shelter so it was important to keep him healthy. And while I admit its a dated view of things, I think its a nice way to show respect.
Moving on in the motherhood category is being a better mom. I'm in a new period of my parenting life. My "baby" is no longer a baby. She is in second grade and her personality is growing by leaps and bounds. Betsy is 7 but acts so much older and she's always been mature for her age so I guess she's more like 7 going on 12. I feel like a fish out of water. I realize this is a critical time in her life where she's trying to develop her personality but she is driving me up the wall! That combined with the recent addition of her two baby sisters, it makes me very sad to admit that we've drifted apart. So, one of my goals for this project was to improve upon was my relationship with Betsy. In the past I have tried to make it a point to make Betsy as independent as possible. I can't stand hearing of these kids going off to college who have no idea how to boil an egg or do their own laundry so I've always encouraged her to do things on her own. She is amazingly smart and sometimes its hard for me to remember that she's JUST 7. So as I'm picking up all the rooms in the house I decide that from this point forward I'm going to clean her room and make her bed (Pre JC Project, the rule of the house was that each person is responsible for their own room and the making of their bed- which she had been in too much of a rush to do this morning). So here's my thinking on this, if I pick up this additional task, it will free up some of her time, stress (if she has any), and maybe we can use that time to spend together. So, here I am all excited when we get home from school and I don't think she even noticed. She dropped off her stuff and ran off to play with the neighbor. Ha! oh well. So much for that- we're still a work in progress. Maybe I'll plan an activity for us to do later.
What did I take away from the day?
1) I'm exhausted.
2) I'm going to need more gloves and a pair of knee pads if i'm going to clean like this everyday
3) When cleaning in a black dress Wear an apron! I splashed water all over myself doing dishes and then I got cleaner on it when I was mopping. Boo Hiss!
4) My husband is incredibly attentive. He noticed that I dusted his nightstand and cleaned off the dresser! Of course, it'd be hard to not notice the dresser. You couldn't see the top of it before. :)
5) I know I joke but in all seriousness, Ward and all the girls seem more calm and at ease tonight.. Betsy and I even cuddled on the couch for part of a movie! :) Not sure if its the clean house or if its just Friday and everyone is just ready to chill out and relax. But the mood seems different. It'll be interesting to see if this continues.
Lets talk about moms shall we? They're where we get our first notions of what a wife and mother are supposed to be. What to do, What not to do, How to act, react and behave... In looking at my mom and his mother and the character of June Cleaver, I noticed a couple common factors. Subservience. Serving and Keeping the husband happy. Primary caretaker and disciplinarian of the children. But each person has their own style and ways of showing this. So I decided that for the day I was going to be the "Yes, Dear" "whatever you say dear" type wife. I was going to give him 100% of my attention when the children are down or when we had time alone. So today, while I was cooking dinner, he sat in the kitchen with his laptop and did some work. I saw that I had a text from my friend which said to call her when I got a chance for a funny story. So of course, I was dying to hear the story and asked Ward if he would mind if I gave her a call back. He stopped typing and looked up at me with a puzzled look on his face and said "no. Why would you even ask that? You sound like mom - asking for permission like that. You don't need my permission. Call her back!" Now before I go any further, let me say that I am blessed with the most wonderful in laws. My mother in law is a sweet, godly woman and I love her to death but we've noticed that she tends to check with him for practically everything she does- even though he doesn't care and always says "yeah sure- go for it!" So it made me think, where did that behavior come from? Is that something that she learned from her mother? Or maybe that's her way of serving her husband. In any case, that's not what Ward expects from me. So here's what I took away from that little convo: LADIES: If men wanted a woman like their mother they wouldn't have married you. Yes, there are qualities that men may admire in their mothers and if it is feasible, you should try to incorporate it somehow. But he married you, for you so be yourself! But be flexible enough to be willing to improve upon yourself. It will keep things interesting. As for me, I am an opinionated, outspoken person, I say whats on my mind most of the time and I've stuck my foot in my mouth on several occasions but that's me and I won't be completely changing that. Its part of the reason he loves me. The "yes, dear" attitude is out the window but I will however try to find other ways to serve him. Something as simple as plating his food first or bringing him his drink at night. I remember my mom once told be back in her home country, when food was scarce it was customary for the man to be plated and fed first. The children were the second to be plated and fed and what was left was for the mother. The man worked the hardest and brought in the money for food, clothing and shelter so it was important to keep him healthy. And while I admit its a dated view of things, I think its a nice way to show respect.
Moving on in the motherhood category is being a better mom. I'm in a new period of my parenting life. My "baby" is no longer a baby. She is in second grade and her personality is growing by leaps and bounds. Betsy is 7 but acts so much older and she's always been mature for her age so I guess she's more like 7 going on 12. I feel like a fish out of water. I realize this is a critical time in her life where she's trying to develop her personality but she is driving me up the wall! That combined with the recent addition of her two baby sisters, it makes me very sad to admit that we've drifted apart. So, one of my goals for this project was to improve upon was my relationship with Betsy. In the past I have tried to make it a point to make Betsy as independent as possible. I can't stand hearing of these kids going off to college who have no idea how to boil an egg or do their own laundry so I've always encouraged her to do things on her own. She is amazingly smart and sometimes its hard for me to remember that she's JUST 7. So as I'm picking up all the rooms in the house I decide that from this point forward I'm going to clean her room and make her bed (Pre JC Project, the rule of the house was that each person is responsible for their own room and the making of their bed- which she had been in too much of a rush to do this morning). So here's my thinking on this, if I pick up this additional task, it will free up some of her time, stress (if she has any), and maybe we can use that time to spend together. So, here I am all excited when we get home from school and I don't think she even noticed. She dropped off her stuff and ran off to play with the neighbor. Ha! oh well. So much for that- we're still a work in progress. Maybe I'll plan an activity for us to do later.
What did I take away from the day?
1) I'm exhausted.
2) I'm going to need more gloves and a pair of knee pads if i'm going to clean like this everyday
3) When cleaning in a black dress Wear an apron! I splashed water all over myself doing dishes and then I got cleaner on it when I was mopping. Boo Hiss!
4) My husband is incredibly attentive. He noticed that I dusted his nightstand and cleaned off the dresser! Of course, it'd be hard to not notice the dresser. You couldn't see the top of it before. :)
5) I know I joke but in all seriousness, Ward and all the girls seem more calm and at ease tonight.. Betsy and I even cuddled on the couch for part of a movie! :) Not sure if its the clean house or if its just Friday and everyone is just ready to chill out and relax. But the mood seems different. It'll be interesting to see if this continues.
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